I am so honored to be a part of a recovery movement. A face and a voice as everyone has been silent for far too long. Anonymous-we all know that word. I don’t want to be anonymous, in fact quite the opposite. My outspoken attitude makes some people uncomfortable-and that’s ok-uncomfortable gets people talking, uncomfortable challenge’s people on their beliefs.
We live in a society that says it encourages understanding, compassion, empathy, non-discrimination and yes that addiction is a disease. But that is not how it is treated. It just isn’t and that’s the truth.
I am very aware of the stigma and judgment that comes not only to those suffering with alcohol and drug addiction but family members as well. In some small way that is what I hope to change. Shame keeps everyone, addicts and the families hiding. That shame and inability to tell the truth to friends, to family members and most importantly to themselves manifests itself into denial. And with denial there will be no recovery.
We see huge promotional campaigns worldwide raising funds and awareness for diseases. Millions walk with big bright pink bows supporting breast cancer, buckets of water on facebook supporting ALS research, prostate cancer & parkinsons. Everywhere we turn there is a cause, a rally. I can’t even go to Walmart or buy an ice cream at a drive thu without being asked to donate. But until now nothing really to bring attention to Addiction? Why is that? That isn’t really a question.
We watch in the media as mayor Rob Ford unravels in Toronto due to an addiction, and he instantly becomes worldwide news and the butt of all jokes by hosts on late night TV. Would they do that if he had Alzheimer’s? Why is this ok?
How about the girl that tells me that addiction is simply a choice. No one would actively choose this life, not for themselves, certainly not for the ones they love. When I calmly ask the question back, if your mother or grandfather smoked for 20 years and got emphysema, is that what you would say to them? I am met with an awkward silence, of course not. And that loved one would immediately get all the medical attention they need, for as long as they needed it, FOR FREE.
Sharing recovery stories is important; it makes us feel not so alone. Alone, that is what I felt for so long. It is how I believe my brother felt. Sharing these stories, standing tall together to a world of judgment gives us power, it gives us strength. And it gives others hope, when at times they feel hopeless.
You know someone I know said to me “Your brother was a junkie and deserved to die, he had more than enough chances”. I am not going to spend my life arguing, debating, letting people break my spirit for truth I know and believe with all of my heart. It doesn’t surprise me that we live in a world where some believe this, what surprises me is that we live in a world where it’s ok to say it out loud. What I remind myself when I speak of addiction is that this way of thinking is not at all about my brother’s character, it is about theirs.
I can’t tell you how humbled and proud I am to be sharing my story, a bright light on addiction and recovery-what a wonderful gift to our own children and our family members that will come after us, to share openly and honestly about this disease in our family tree so that it doesn’t continue generation after generation like it often does.
I don’t think anyone could celebrate their recovery if we didn’t also celebrate and remember the ones that lost their battle.
I think back now to when my brother past away and I wrote his obituary. It’s what I call now the “DIED SUDDENLY PHENONEMON” and if I could rewind I would proudly tell the truth. Just like the people that write: died in a motor vehicle accident, lost their brave battle with cancer or passed away peacefully in their sleep at 90 years young.
My brother didn’t die suddenly. It was slow, painful, excruciating and it has left us all with enduring pain. But even family members don’t publish the truth-died from alcoholism, died from a drug overdose, died from suicide. Do they believe this will ruin their loved ones reputation? Perhaps, or maybe there is a part of them that worries about their own.
I know all too well how shame & silence wears you down, makes you lose hope and leads to hopelessness.
I want to make a difference, I want to change perception, I want to proudly be a voice. On Sunday, March 18th, 2012 after at least 18 days of drinking my brother would take his own life. He was 39. His name was Brett Tisdale. And he was an alcoholic. I am not ashamed.
I still do not know all of the answers but there is one thing I am sure of. Treatment does work people do get well and you can live the beautiful life you have imagined. We are not promised that is easy, what we are promised is that it is possible.
Hugs from me to you.
Jodee Prouse
Author of the upcoming memoir The Sun is Gone, Addiction & Recovery Advocate
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