ADDICTION: IF CAUSED BY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, IS THIS THE RIGHT MESSAGE?

I can already hear people screaming, debating, disagreeing and my family frantically typing on their keyboard, "How dare I!!" I am very aware my outspoken attitude on addiction and recovery makes people uncomfortable. But I don't care. Uncomfortable get's people talking. Uncomfortable challenge's people on their beliefs.

It is 2016, never have we had more education and help available for addiction and recovery then we do now; however the problem is getting worse, not better. Perhaps our messaging needs to change or altered as we understand more now of what can cause addiction and we are missing the signs.

"The single factor that’s at the core of all addictions is trauma. By trauma I mean emotional loss in childhood, and in the case of severe addicts, you can see — and large-scale population studies show — that there is significant childhood trauma such as family violence, addiction in the family, sexual and emotional abuse, physical abuse, a parent being mentally ill or in jail. These adverse childhood experiences have been shown to exponentially increase the risk of addiction later on in life. That’s one set of difficult experiences."  Dr. Gabor Mate, Renowned Speaker and Author In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

I happen to agree. Not because I am an expert. A therapist. A physician. But because I lived this painful story.

I have known what the word alcoholic meant since I was 5 years old; alcoholism on many branches of my family tree. I started writing my own story, The Sun is Gone as a tribute to families lost in a world they did not understand, so they did not feel so alone. I did always understand my own family dynamic, but what I was not expecting, and what is very hard to live with, is that during this process everything I believed to be true about my brother’s addiction was not true at all.

I spent over eleven years actively involved and at the time we believed we were doing everything right; support, doctors, therapists and the best treatment centers money could buy. And when rehab didn't work he went again. And again. And again.

A story of the progression of alcoholism. I was as sure as anything in my life there was nothing more, nothing less. A fine, young man that innocently took that first sip of alcohol in high school, eventually the bottle taking him down a path of destruction few could fathom and I was along for the ride. A powerful love story between a brother and sister that could make a difference in someone else’s life. What was not clear at the time, or a factor at all was that our early childhood experiences played any part in my brother’s addiction. It was not what we were being told. What I believe now is that it meant everything.

I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it.

I understand the theory, that those addicted must take responsibility for themselves. That you can't make someone change and that we are not responsible for someone else's life. For the record, I wholeheartedly agree.

We are however given conflicting messages, I DIDN'T CAUSE IT. But what if you did?

This is not meant to be blame but rather some of the reasons why we are who we are. When our memories are diminished or denied, the pain continues; in fact that burden we carry of unresolved issues continue to eat at our soul, many times unconsciously. It keeps us stuck, struggling and we can't move on.

What a beautiful gift to your addicted loved one, or perhaps your child, to find the strength to acknowledge the pain you may have caused and allow them to heal.

We know now that childhood trauma can be a precursor to mental illnesses including anxiety, depression, addiction and suicide ideation. Maybe it is pushing the envelope way too far to say we actually caused it, but what we have done certainly can contribute.

That realization and knowledge should help with educating families, to watch for the signs and in the least be more aware of what they are allowing their children to witness in childhood. Then and only then can a family begin to heal, change and these patterns we create of chaos, dysfunction and addiction no longer continue generation after generation.

So if we expect those addicted to drugs or alcohol to take responsibility for themselves, their behaviors and their choices, isn't it about time that we hold ourselves to the same standard?


Jodee Prouse Advocate Addiction & Recovery
Author upcoming memoir

STIGMA OF ADDICTION IN OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM?

We live in a society that says it encourages understanding, compassion, empathy, non-discrimination and yes, that addiction is a disease. But that is not how it is treated. It just isn't and that is the truth.

Melanoma, emphysema, heart disease, high blood pressure...

When we are sick we go to the hospital. A safe haven. A place for help. A place for hope.

Not always.

Excerpt/The Sun is Gone: Page 182;

Almost three weeks in that hell hole, we knew he needed to safely withdrawal, so we got him in the car and swiftly drove to the Detox center. I jumped out but was back almost immediately and spoke quietly explaining what I had feared, that they were full to capacity and couldn’t help us. They apologized and suggested that we come back early tomorrow morning. We both knew Brett couldn’t wait until tomorrow without having something to drink, so we headed to our only other option-an emergency room.

We sat about an hour, waiting to be seen. Brett’s leg rattling with anxiety until he was brought into a private room. We explained to the nurse, not that we needed to as it was very clear by his scruffy appearance and glassy eyes, that Brett was severely intoxicated and needed help come off the booze. And, she began to take his vitals.

It wasn’t her cold, disassociated approach to taking my brother’s blood pressure, pricking his arm with a needle or asking him how much he has had to drink that began to make my blood boil. It was the fact that she absolutely loathed him, and it was obvious. For the first time ever, I felt what my brother felt, like a bolt of electricity running through my veins. I felt judgment.  Pure unadulterated judgment. As she left the room, I scampered quickly behind her catching up in front of the nurse’s station.

“Excuse me,” I said. She didn’t hear me so I repeated myself. She turned around to look at me. “Hi. Listen, I don’t mean to be rude. I completely understand and appreciate how hard your job is and how many different things you must see. I even get that on some level that maybe to you my brother isn’t sick in the same way as most of the people here, and that you believe this may be purely self-induced. What I need to remind you is that he is a human being.”

She didn’t blink.

I continued, “Now I don’t care what you did yesterday, or how you are tomorrow, all I care about is that for right now, when you come into that room, you show a little compassion as that is a person in there. A person!  That is someone’s brother, someone’s son and what you very obviously perceive as completely disgusting, someone loves them. Do you think you can do that?”

I didn’t give her time to answer.

“Cause if you can’t, then what I suggest is that for the next hour or so you FAKE IT!”

I walked away, so I didn’t have to look at her stony expression for another second. I caught my breath as I was so overwhelmingly pissed off, before stepping through the door and sitting quietly in the corner of my brother’s room.

I do have understanding and appreciation for how hard nurses work – after all, my mother is a nurse - and I can imagine that they see all sorts of things. But that’s their job, a job that they chose. To very obviously treat someone, whatever their circumstance, like they are below dirt I could not take. As I looked at my brother at his worst, like I had done so many times before, all I thought was he is in there.

The doctor arrived a short time later, bearing the not so surprising bad news; they couldn’t keep him overnight as all the beds were full. Although I appreciate he did give him a shot of Valium before they sent us on our way. At least I think it was Valium, which I understood by now belongs to the class of medications called benzodiazepines. It is used for the short-term relief of symptoms of mild to moderate anxiety or alcohol withdrawal.  We knew that at least would help him get through the night and advised us to head back to the Detox center in the morning; there was nothing more he could do. A completely different nurse came back into the room only with the same face. Kind, compassionate and caring and as we left, she said, “Take care of yourself, Brett.”

I whispered thank you to her as we walked out the door, and I hope she knew how much I meant it.

My brother didn't have high blood pressure due to being overweight, skin cancer due to exposure from the sun, emphysema from years of smoking or even heart disease from eating too many fatty foods. No, he did not fall into any of these categories, because if he did this chapter would not have happened.

My brother was an alcoholic from taking his first sip of alcohol during high school.

Shame on him?

I need to emphasize that during my journey we personally met many professionals that showed nothing but compassion, support, understanding and commitment to help those like my brother that are struggling with alcohol and drug dependence. To those individuals I am forever grateful.

Our health care system is wonderful in many ways, and falls short on others. We need to make available help for those in desperate need, and educate doctors and nurses on this epidemic of addiction. Pardon me, let's rephrase; on this epidemic of the disease of addiction. These are our mother's, father's, children, friends, co-workers and neighbors.

And to be fair to the nurse who treated us, it is my hope that those of us in the world of addiction also show compassion and understanding to those that judge us, to hold your head high, and if you can change so can they.

Together we CAN make a difference.

www.hopeandhumility.com
Jodee Prouse is an Author of the upcoming memoir: THE SUN IS GONE

Heart-Wrenching Stories Shared At London’s Annual Addiction Recovery Breakfast

The stories often end with the same euphemism in the obituary.

“The died suddenly syndrome,” Jodee Prouse calls it, the words she and many families use in obituaries when someone takes their own lives.

In so many ways, her brother Brett Tisdale’s death was anything but sudden.

“It was slow and painful and excruciating,” she said of the 11 years he spiralled down into alcoholism and finally suicide.

Prouse watched it all. Cleaning up his blood and vomit and urine and bottles, seeing the bruise after he fell down the stairs and stumbled to a shed to drink turpentine, her son cleaning up after his uncle cut his wrists, unplugging the phone each day so she could lie to her husband and say no bad phone calls came in.

“Time stands still. Every time the phone rings you are sure he’s dead,” she told about 400 people Friday at London’s annual Addiction Recovery Breakfast.

She now regrets using those words for her brother’s death in 2012 because it is a lie. She wants to tell the truth.

But a manuscript she’s written about her and her brother keeps coming back from agents with the same line of rejection: “Not the topic for me.”

That’s just another sign of how important it is to tell and listen to the stories each year at the annual Addiction Recovery Breakfast, Linda Sibley, executive director of Addiction Services Thames Valley, said.

“Clearly we have to continue to tell the stories. It changes the story we then share.”

Recovery Speaker Betty-Lou Kristy detailed all the medical reasons her son Pete died at 25 in 2011 in a hospital after overdosing on smuggled-in opioids and prescribed medication.

But there’s more to the story, she said. “He died from a loss of hope and a pervasive feeling the world did not care about him,” Kristy said.

Stigma and the lack of help and information for parents of addicts blocked her attempts to get him help.

But near the end of telling her story, Kristy smiled. “So now that I’ve depressed the hell out of you . . Never underestimate the power of hope.”

Since her son’s death she has made it a mission to tell their story so others can learn, so agencies and hospitals can improve what they do and to make sure everyone knows the truth of her son’s life. “Pete was worth saving.”

Look also here:- http://goo.gl/7RuuWH

IS ADDICTION A DISEASE OR SIMPLY A CHOICE?

Nothing causes the most seemingly sane, rational, calm person to lose their mind and have an opinion more than these eight words. 

We live in a society that says it encourages understanding, compassion, empathy, non-discrimination yes that addiction is a disease but that is not how it is treated. It just isn't and that's the truth.

We see huge promotional campaigns worldwide raising funds and awareness for diseases. Millions walk with big bright pink bows supporting breast cancer, buckets of water on Facebook supporting ALS research, prostate cancer and parkinsons. Everywhere we turn there is a cause, a rally. I can't even go to Walmart or buy an ice cream at a local drive thru without being asked to donate. But until now nothing really to bring attention to Addiction. Why is that? That isn't really a question. 

We watch in the media as mayor Rob Ford unravels in Toronto due to an addiction, and he instantly becomes worldwide news and the butt of all jokes on late night TV. Would they do that if he had Alzheimer's? Why is this ok?

How about the girl that tells me that addiction is simply a choice. No one would actively choose this life, not for themselves, certainly not for the ones they love. When I calmly ask the question back, "If your mother or grandfather smoked for 20 years and got emphysema, is that what you would say to them?" I am met with an awkward silence. Of course not. And that loved one would immediately get all the medical attention they need, for as long as they need it, FOR FREE. (In Canada anyway)

I am so proud to be a part of a recovery movement. A face and a voice as everyone has been silent for far too long. Anonymous-we all know that word. I don't want to be anonymous, in fact quite the opposite is true. My outspoken attitude makes some people uncomfortable-and that's ok. Uncomfortable gets people talking, uncomfortable challenges people on their beliefs.

You know someone I know very well said to me "Your brother was a junkie and deserved to die, he had more than enough chances." I am not going to spend my life arguing, debating, letting people break my spirit for the truth I know and believe with all of my heart. It doesn't surprise me that we live in a world where some believe this, what surprises me is that we live in a world where it is ok to say it out loud. What I remind myself when I speak of addiction is that this way of thinking is not at all about my addicted brother's character, it is about theirs. 

#eliminatestigma #nomoreanonymous #addictionawareness

Jodee Prouse is a keynote speaker on Addiction & Recovery

She is a motivational speaker alberta & Author of the upcoming addiction book The Sun is Gone.

Look also here:-  http://goo.gl/NtTkh8

Addiction Recovery Is More Than Attending A Rehab Program

Developing a sense of meaning and purpose in life is the most important thing anyone must have. Anyone. Unfortunately, in the world of addiction it challenge’s that on every level. If you are struggling with any of life’s challenges; depression and anxiety or alcohol and drug addiction you are not the only one that needs help. You are not alone. Jodee Prouse, knows how you feel from a perspective of a loving family member. That we are all sick, and that we need to work together to love and support each other in a healthy, positive way.

Jodee Prouse is one of the most prolific motivational speakers, who is also an Addiction and Recovery advocate. She walks you through her heart-breaking and powerful life story, beginning with a violent childhood past that may have lit the fuse and her desperate fight to save her younger brother from alcohol addiction.

Jodee is a keynote speaker, renowned for her contribution towards the lessons that sobriety and recovery does work and you can live the beautiful life you have imagined. She has also written a memoir, The Sun is Gone, books about understanding addiction in a non-clinical way. She gets audiences engaged, allowing them to “feel” what it is like to be in that life, rather than the standard “don’t do drugs” approach.

Look also here:- http://goo.gl/g0IjUz

NO MORE ANONYMOUS: SHAME & ADDICTION

I am so honored to be a part of a recovery movement. A face and a voice as everyone has been silent for far too long. Anonymous-we all know that word. I don’t want to be anonymous, in fact quite the opposite. My outspoken attitude makes some people uncomfortable-and that’s ok-uncomfortable gets people talking, uncomfortable challenge’s people on their beliefs. 

We live in a society that says it encourages understanding, compassion, empathy, non-discrimination and yes that addiction is a disease. But that is not how it is treated. It just isn’t and that’s the truth. 

I am very aware of the stigma and judgment that comes not only to those suffering with alcohol and drug addiction but family members as well. In some small way that is what I hope to change. Shame keeps everyone, addicts and the families hiding. That shame and inability to tell the truth to friends, to family members and most importantly to themselves manifests itself into denial. And with denial there will be no recovery. 

We see huge promotional campaigns worldwide raising funds and awareness for diseases. Millions walk with big bright pink bows supporting breast cancer, buckets of water on facebook supporting ALS research, prostate cancer & parkinsons. Everywhere we turn there is a cause, a rally. I can’t even go to Walmart or buy an ice cream at a drive thu without being asked to donate. But until now nothing really to bring attention to Addiction? Why is that?  That isn’t really a question. 

We watch in the media as mayor Rob Ford unravels in Toronto due to an addiction, and he instantly becomes worldwide news and the butt of all jokes by hosts on late night TV. Would they do that if he had Alzheimer’s? Why is this ok?

How about the girl that tells me that addiction is simply a choice. No one would actively choose this life, not for themselves, certainly not for the ones they love. When I calmly ask the question back, if your mother or grandfather smoked for 20 years and got emphysema, is that what you would say to them? I am met with an awkward silence, of course not. And that loved one would immediately get all the medical attention they need, for as long as they needed it, FOR FREE. 

Sharing recovery stories is important; it makes us feel not so alone. Alone, that is what I felt for so long. It is how I believe my brother felt. Sharing these stories, standing tall together to a world of judgment gives us power, it gives us strength. And it gives others hope, when at times they feel hopeless. 

You know someone I know said to me “Your brother was a junkie and deserved to die, he had more than enough chances”. I am not going to spend my life arguing, debating, letting people break my spirit for truth I know and believe with all of my heart. It doesn’t surprise me that we live in a world where some believe this, what surprises me is that we live in a world where it’s ok to say it out loud. What I remind myself when I speak of addiction is that this way of thinking is not at all about my brother’s character, it is about theirs.

I can’t tell you how humbled and proud I am to be sharing my story, a bright light on addiction and recovery-what a wonderful gift to our own children and our family members that will come after us, to share openly and honestly about this disease in our family tree so that it doesn’t continue generation after generation like it often does. 

I don’t think anyone could celebrate their recovery if we didn’t also celebrate and remember the ones that lost their battle.

I think back now to when my brother past away and I wrote his obituary. It’s what I call now the “DIED SUDDENLY PHENONEMON” and if I could rewind I would proudly tell the truth. Just like the people that write: died in a motor vehicle accident, lost their brave battle with cancer or passed away peacefully in their sleep at 90 years young.

My brother didn’t die suddenly. It was slow, painful, excruciating and it has left us all with enduring pain. But even family members don’t publish the truth-died from alcoholism, died from a drug overdose, died from suicide. Do they believe this will ruin their loved ones reputation? Perhaps, or maybe there is a part of them that worries about their own.

I know all too well how shame & silence wears you down, makes you lose hope and leads to hopelessness.
I want to make a difference, I want to change perception, I want to proudly be a voice. On Sunday, March 18th, 2012 after at least 18 days of drinking my brother would take his own life. He was 39. His name was Brett Tisdale. And he was an alcoholic. I am not ashamed.

I still do not know all of the answers but there is one thing I am sure of. Treatment does work people do get well and you can live the beautiful life you have imagined. We are not promised that is easy, what we are promised is that it is possible. 

Hugs from me to you. 

Jodee Prouse
Author of the upcoming memoir The Sun is Gone, Addiction & Recovery Advocate